I know it has been a while, as the winter nights are drawing in, I have been compelled to the cosy Onsie and weekends by the lampshade snuggling up to the new love of my life.....and still keeps me up till late and keeps my mind ticking........yes his name is Netflix!!! ;p
Besides being busy with family, work and just everyday life and watching series 1&2 of Twin Peaks, I had met two more characters to add to my nickname list.....The first being another from an Online dating site, after nearly giving up and then having a re-think in my search criteria I thought it was a bit more strict and saved the search filter....There I came across the profile of ''Congratulations'' and there is no reason for this name, as this is a matter of fact his name! (This of asian/arabic word for ''Congratulations'' and bob's your uncle that is his name!). So from the start I called him this and knew and dint seem to have a problem with me calling him this....lol.
So within a week of getting to know with a few messages and phone calls, we arranged to meet....now Congratulations is from East London, and we arranged to meet in East London (not that I had an issue with this, as I am a child of adventure and shall be more than happy to travel the earth in search of my other half....ever if he reside in...East London (I personally love East London by the way, always have had some connection with it!) :)
So I went to the ends and we met up at a Shisha/Restaurant place....and he was good looking, casual and yes had that typical East London lingo thing going on....now he was really chatty which is not a bad trait to have at all, but the kind of chatty that was like a motor mouth!!! And the conversation would dart from one story he would tell me to another, like I automaticly knew what he was talking about (a lot of drama) and as funny as it was, he would talk, he might as well have been speaking another language! At a few points I just let him ramble on as I sat there clueless what he was on about as he expected me to know and when I did stress I had no idea what he was on about he would stop and express with both hands waving expressively ''I THOLD YUH!'' And at this point I would be shouting 'NO YOU DIN'T!!??'...At this point I had a flash vision of being old with this fella and probably STILL be having the same sort of lost in translation communication issues!
One thing that came up was the fact he never left the vicinity of East London, and seemed to have an issue that I was always around London and different areas and outside of London. He said something about ''Why venture out when everything is here (meaning steak house and Nando's)....Basically he just did not see the point of seeking different culinary cultures and even said "Why go out when you can make it at home?!!" Don't get me wrong, but I am a homebody, but to the extreme of not venturing beyond the A406 is a bit.....weird......well to me it is!
Anyhow while all this mis-communication was going on, in a few of the pauses I did catch him eyeing me up, which some guys I have notice can do on the sly, and then there are those who just do it blatantly.....The reason for the :/ face is because motor mouth congratulations would stop talking and well spoke with his eyes I guess which I found a bit :/ Either way after a bit of Shisha I was on my way....I dint really have any attraction -wow-chemistry, Congratulations just seemed like a lot of hard work....after meeting up there where some messages exchanged and calls things where going.....flat...well for me anyway. Our conversations started to go something like this..'Hi...Hows you? Hey...What you up to...Night....Hey...etc......There was no getting to know me and when I would ask anything it would be basic one worded answers....Then the name calling started....Hey Curvy.....(now I'm no skinny binny or a big girl at all but I think it was the tone?.....anyhow I ignored it, until it changed to 'Hey fatty'..... -_-
Seriously? And the thing is I said something straight away but it dint stop.....And this fool still kept saying 'Hey fatty....' And well yeah I ignored him and this seemed to get to him. I eventually said to him to get back on the dating sites and find a Skinny Binny! To which he would just reply ''LOL''......kmt.....The last time he said it, I said I was done and block his ass on whats app, to which HE said I should get off my high horse! I made a point that he does not know me a single a bit to EVEN THINK I would be someone who would even know how to mount a flipping high horse let alone already be on one!!!! He got blocked.....
So that was Commiserations done with.....I mean Congratulations......
Then a few weeks later after going back on the dating sites I got chatting to another London fellow, this time one from WEST London....However within the first 5 days whats app messages had been sent and with no phone calls exchanged I already knew by his grammer and tone of speaking he was a posh one..to which I might add I have named Mr Posh.....
Within the few days we had arranged to meet up, but for some normal reason I could not make it, and I informed him and apologised and said we should reschedule.....To which I got a message which seemed like a bit of a lecture that he was extremely busy and that he did not give just anybody his time!!!
Anyhoo....we rescheduled for two days later.....Again me being me....I saw no photo....yes yes I know....I never learn when it comes to no photos....But I guess that really is blind dating!! ;p
So the day came to meeting up and he called and low and behold he spoke like a public school boy....man/guy.....and when he called I spotted him, smartly dressed with a crisp shirt and smart trousers and ray bands and....his man bag.
I just have this thing about man bags....You can have some manly man bags and
then "fe-male type man bags"....I don't know it just makes me cringe....So we went to this Indian restaurant...And he seemed pleasant, jolly enough....A bit over animimated but I found it amusing. As we ordered he spoke to the waiter in his posh public school boy accent and asked "What part of South Asia are you from?"....To which the waiter hesitated as he was expecting a food order not an order of a question of where he was from.....He answered a bit bemused and Mr Posh then declared that he's from "The Punn-Jabb" Said in that very way....Strike cringe moment number 1......As we waited for the food, he was really chatty...I asked him where about I'm London was he from and he said "Nnnorth Westttt London" When he said that I said "Oh like West Hampstead"....he then declared like he was the Earl and lord of this place......"Colindale".....I was like "oh OK?" And again he repeated "Yes Nnnnorth Westttt London, I am a Londoner after all" And would then do this posh *Gaffaw of a laugh*.....I said I used to live in Enfield to which Sir-Lord-Earl-Of-Nnnnorth-Westtt-London-Colindale "Informed" me that Enfield is NOT part of London.....Me being me screeched with a "are you kidding me" laughter saying "Yes it is!!!??" To which his Lordship said again in his posh toff accent "Well I AM from Nnnnorth Westttt London after all"....It was like he was always going to be right and I was going to be wrong....He informed me that he is a humanist and a Muslim.....that the two are seperate things.....I kinda get his point but I personally think being a Muslim you are a humanist and should always do good no matter what....He said "By the Grace of God" He was doing well for himself "Lord willingly" He will continue to do so....Me by habit I say "Allhamdulilah" or "Inshallah" which there is nothing wrong with what he said, but I did notice this about him and mentioned it, to which I got an abrupt reply "Well, I'm not Arab am I??!"...Well I got told right there...
As the evening went on he said my name is also a men's name to which I had never heard of and I said "Your calling me a man then?" To which he said yes....a tranny!!!" as you can read....a charmer this one!!....He then asked me what else do I like doing I said I have an interest in photography and as I am always at weddings. I love the ambiance and find the natural photos when people do not realise I am taking an actual photo com you the nicest.....To which he said...."Oh right..."So your a pervert.....a photographer pervert" And once again he gawffawed loudly......By this point I knew this dude was pretty lived in his little Nnnnorth Westtt London world......
Okay when I have met up with guys yes I always get my purse out and then the guy will be like "I've got this".....I mean I'm always happy to pay being the modernist...... BUT on a first meeting and a review meeting with the girls the question "Did he pay" always arises.....I am a bit old fashioned, but I don't think all guys realise that this small gesture can be a deal breaker as it is all noted in the " First impressions count". As I reached for my purse and before I could say or suggest ANYTHING he said "We shall go halves".....I was like OK sure.....!!??
So that was that, talk about a right character....this one had pretty much corrected me (well he thought he had) and insulted me in slap and nicely pat manner....He said he would be in touch, and I was like..."ohok" Not fussed at all I I did or did not hear from him again!!! That evening I got a message and he said...."Thank you for a lovely evening I had a Fantastic time"......My facial reaction was pretty much like a confused.."hain???" Face :/
I said the usual bog standard "yeah was nice meeting you also"....A few days later I got a text from Posh Toff which went along the lines of this:
"Do hope you are well? I have been thinking about meeting you....and.....(Do I sound like a high court judge here who is about to make his decision?? Just wanted to say it gives me great pleasure to announce that I'm very much interested in getting to know you better. Gosh that deliberation went on for a bit!!!
My first reaction was naturally laugh and shake my head, let this fool constantly auto-correct AND insult me further??!! Nah -uh not me......BAH!!!!!
So once again feeling a little deflated from Mr Never leaves east ends to Mr Nnnorth West London.....I'm not sure where my compass will take me next on this search.....It can be draining at times.....And there are times when I think to myself am I doing my best to be as simple as possible....
Looking back at how dating used to be so simple.....walking up to someone and SPEAKING to them and getting to know them in time....now its apps galore...Tinder, Happen, Dating sites ,make it multi harder now....one eye is on you while the other eye is still wandering.....
Its a jungle out there.....
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