Timing is everything.

As you know from my previous posts I am a big believer in signs and follow my faith with my whole heart.  I think when you have an open heart and mind regardless of your personal faith and beliefs you really can see deeper into what looks ordinary to the normal eye, however this will only have a deeper meaning and connection to you only.  This is something personal to me, but I'm going to keep writing from the heart as I always do...

In December two days before Christmas I had this urge, this really strong pull and feeling inside me to go and see my Gran.  I had already just been six months previously, but I clearly said to my mum "If I don't go in March I'm going to regret it. (I have no idea to this day why I said March specifically, it was just drilled inside my head and heart and I was fixated on that Month).  Within 2 days of thinking of this, by Christmas eve I had my holiday approved and booked my ticket.  Being the Easter break I practically got the whole of March off and I even decided to book a stopover in Dubai to catch up with friends for a few days.

That being said and done my plans for 2016 where starting already.  I was so looking forward to seeing my Gran as she has turned 90 in February so it made it more of a reason to see her.  No one comes before my Gran in my eyes, my precious pearl.  When I arrived it was as it always was, I stayed with her and did her shopping for her, do her breakfast, comb her soft silver hair for her and platted it as I always did.

The second day I was there family had already nabbed me for dinner plans as while I am there I try and catch up with as many family members.  While I was with my Gran I made her choose what I should wear and out of two skirts a blue and a vibrant red one, she chose the latter.  As I was getting ready we chit chatted, she watched how I did my make-up....When I was ready I pranced around her room as I always loved just being myself with her.  She looked at me and said I looked lovely...But this time for some reason her smile and eyes told me something else....Inside I felt and realised this but did not say anything....She won't see me dressed as a bride...I don't know where that thought came from...But it did and I felt a lump in my throat.

I went up to her and took her hand and she told me one her many beautiful things....She said how she had a dream the night before I arrived. She said how we were both standing under a large blossomed mango tree, just me and her.  And in this tree where two ripe mango's.  She picked one and gave one to me...I took a bite and I had told her how I had never tasted such a sweet mango in my life... As she told me this, I felt tears form in my eyes and a lump in my throat....I was speechless and yet I knew this was a moment that had a much more deeper meaning, but could not quite know what exactly....

❤

After taking my Grandmother to hospital, I climbed the house ladder to the roof feeling a bit empty with her not being there....I took this photo.  It was not after she had passed I noticed the two mango's at the bottom...(My nan would have never seen this....Maybe she already did in her dream).

I held her hand and squeezed it and she smiled at me, shortly she fell ill after this and I was by her side....Unfortunately my dear Grandmother passed away.....In the Muslim faith we bury our loved ones as soon as possible....And with this close members of the family perform their last rites....Which I never had done, or ever thought I would do....And I did....With nothing but pure love.....It was an honour and something that shall forever stay with me....I know this is quite a personal thing,  I think it was harder because I did not have my parents or sibling with me as they were in the UK I had to be strong, but this made me stronger, it made me grow up, it made me stand up alone, I have never had someone by my side except for myself, and in a way, going through that made me realise it made me stronger...In a way tested my limits...Which I know now are limitless, the fear of something limits you, going through the fear, frees you...

Moments are gifts that you accept and cherish...I had this whole beach and Sunset to myself <3

While I was there I had met so many different types of people from all walks of life ages, religions and back rounds, be it the ladies who sit outside the Mosque for spare change, other patients in the hospital, the bus conductors, traders in the market....Everyone had a kind warming charm about them, which is something that I took back with me.

The whole experience has had a massive impact how I see things, I have taken a step back, I look closer at the smaller daily things that go around us, and when you think about it, there is beauty everywhere in every little thing.  When I commute to work, I see how everyone is on their lap tops, phones and tablets.  I have a tendency to try and capture clouds, sun rises & sunsets on my phone and sometimes I catch in the corner of my eye people wondering what I am trying to capture and then they notice I'm actually looking out of the window at the great big sky!

This has been since March, and yes it is still hard...When you lose someone so close to your heart...It does change you....My nan was everything to me...But I learnt so much more about her humble self after she passed, and it was like receiving more gifts from her when I met people I had never met before and how she spoke of me to them....Hearing so many more things like that, just put more warmth into my heart and made me realise how lucky I really am.

I took so much more back this time around without expecting it, and for me...That is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me......❤